By Al Singh
There were five key rules given to me as a child. Not from parents or friends, these rules were whispered through the wind, on the breath of every person who spoke to me. I was told those who broke them met a cruel fate, one so sour we couldn’t even speak of it. I named them Society’s Rules for Young Ladies, a fittingly rigid name. They are as follows:
Rule No.1 – STAY VIGILANT
It’s the first piece of advice most people are given, to look both ways before crossing the street, to stay wary of strangers. It is the beginning of a lifetime of warnings, given to us as children to avoid experiencing the same heartbreaks and mistakes as those before us.
It is phrased as if I would only ever have to use this advice on the outside world, to ensure I don’t speak to the wrong person or accidently run a red light. I quickly learnt it was also intending to look for red flags, to be cautious of snakes turned human. I never expected to watch out for what men do or be cautious girls at school who treat me like a fun project.
To stay vigilant would never grant anyone peace. It leads to paranoia, assuming the worst in everyone you meet. Hyper-vigilance strips away humanity, replacing it with the terrified shell of a person.
Easy to mould.
Rule No.2 – BE QUIET
Never be the first to talk. Always listen before speaking. There is no need for young ladies to be so loud.
The second piece of advice so many girls are given, for it is better for them to be seen and not heard. Little girls are so conditioned not to scream that once they get older, they lose the compulsion to. We are told to keep our ideas to ourselves or let others take credit for them. Do not scream about injustice, it’s unsightly.
The silence hurts. With everything kept inside no way for it to escape, every thought bottled up inside. The only options are to blame your suffering on you fellow suffers or one day explode, the silence haunting.
After all. No boy will ever fall for a girl who speaks her mind.
Rule No.3 – ALWAYS SMILE
Lighten up, stop being so sensitive, keep smiling even though you want to cry. There is no reason for your face to fall, you should be cheery for everything. Be a crutch for everyone around you, keep your own emotions bottled up for the comfort of others.
Smile more, for the comfort of others. Smile until your body physically forgets how not too. Let them pull your hair and scream in your face, take it all with a smile. Never let yourself cry
Smile through the jokes being told at your own expense, at the expense of all the others like you. Your expressions control the emotions of everyone around you, without your smile the world will fall apart.
Just keep smiling and everything will be… fine.
Rule No.4 – SAY SORRY
Everything is your fault. Even if it isn’t, act like it is. There is no need to question those who tell you it’s your fault. Apologise even when someone else is fault, accept responsibility for the problems caused by others.
Good girls don’t talk back. Good girls say sorry and continue on their way. There is no need to hide from the truth, the fact that you will always be at fault no matter who actually broke the rule. You are always in the way, you are always blame.
Don’t worry, as long as you say sorry, all will be forgotten soon.
Rule No.5 – NEVER SPEAK OF THESE RULES
That’s what makes it so easy for them to go unnoticed. Don’t ever mention learning these rules, only pass them down through cryptic messages and cruel messages. There is no need to mention the pain they cause, you wouldn’t want to be a troublemaker now, would you?
Keep them close to your chest, an open secret shared between you and thousands of other young women, unable to escape the boxes that have been laid out for you.
To stay pliant, to stay silent, to stay pleasant, to stay apologetic, to keep secrets… that’s what has been told to us. To keep to our space and never push the boundaries of what we are allowed to.
Ever since I leant of these rules, I fought them. They stand opposite to everything we should be, creating a society so many despise to live in.
Why is we place such an emphasis on these rules? Why do we teach them to the next generation?
And most importantly: What are we going to do to break them?
After all, well behaved women seldom make history.
Al Singh is a Meanjin (Brisbane) based author and screenwriter currently completing a BFA in Film, Screen and New Media at QUT. She has a keen eye for capturing the world around her with focuses on social justice and the relationships between people.
