Disclaimer:
Listen up, folks! This article is not intended to offend or fuel any racist intentions or inspire your weird aunt’s conspiracy theories. It’s written by a brown girl who’s had enough unsolicited advice on how to deal with racism and heard ‘you should go back to your country’ one too many times. This is satire, not a TED Talk. Every experience shared is based on real life and I have received the consent to write about it. Please don’t come for me, I’ve already been roasted enough by my own culture, thank you very much. If you’re someone or know of someone who just can’t change themselves and insists on staying problematic, this one’s for you.
Like many of you, I’ve always wondered what I’d talk about if I were ever invited to give a speech. Would it be something deep and profound? Probably not. I think I’d want to talk about something so salty and satirical that it leaves the audience unsure whether to laugh or cry. After years of thinking it over and practicing in front of the mirror with my blow-dryer as a mic, here’s my opener:
There’s nothing casual about casual racism. It’s so well-executed now that it deserves a LinkedIn endorsement. Honestly, if it gets any more polished, we’ll have to start calling it professional racism. Give it a try, it even comes with perks and a solid 401(k).
Today’s racism isn’t just about making obvious jabs at someone’s skin colour. It’s evolved, like those new-generation cockroaches that don’t even die with bug spray. It’s sneaky and so normalised that people slip it in casually, and it is only hours later that you realise what they actually said.
You know, one of the best parts of being in an international community is the stories. You meet people from all over the world, and after a while, you start to realise something. We are all getting hit with the same brand of professional racism, just wrapped in different packaging. It’s almost like there’s a worldwide script people are following, but with their own local flavour. It’s like racism got franchised.
Take me, for example. I’ve grown up hearing the same thing over and over from aunties: “Oh, you’re so tanned! No one’s going to marry you now.” Like, first of all, thanks for the unsolicited feedback. Second, who even said marriage was on my to-do list? Maybe instead of worrying about my future husband, you should worry about your future skincare routine. But no, they always leave it at, “No one will marry you.” They could at least follow up with, “But that’s okay, you’ll probably become a successful CEO instead.” You know, throw in a silver lining with the insult.
You’d think it’s just aunties, but nope, it’s everywhere. Like, my friend had this teacher who assumed her parents didn’t speak English just because they were brown. So, during the parent-teacher meeting, the teacher slows her speech down like she’s explaining rocket science to a toddler. “Your. Child. Is. Doing. Very. Well.” Meanwhile, my friend’s parents are sitting there, fluent in five languages, probably translating the teacher’s words into French and Hindi just for fun. It’s always the ones who struggle with basic grammar who feel the need to talk down to multilingual families.
And then, of course, we get to Hollywood. Oh, Hollywood loves a good fake Indian accent. It’s like they got someone who’s never even heard an Indian person speak to coach their actors. And don’t even get me started on the cultural appropriation. They’ll throw on a bindi and call it “exotic” while butchering the accent so badly it sounds like a parody of a parody. I mean, if you’re going to steal our culture, at least put in the effort to get it right. It’s like watching someone try to perform a symphony with a kazoo. Points for trying, but no.
It’s the same script, just with a new lead. My Asian friend gets the classic, “How do you even put on eyeshadow with eyes that small?” Like, what is that even supposed to mean? Eyeshadow isn’t a test of surface area, it’s not geometry class! And the real kicker? Her eye makeup is flawless, like she could walk into a Vogue photoshoot at any moment. Meanwhile, the person asking probably still struggles with mascara and is out here looking like they applied their makeup while riding a rollercoaster. But sure, let’s question her skills.
Now, my Muslim friend, oh, she’s got stories too. People straight-up come up to her and say, “You’re all terrorists.” Just casually, like it’s a fun little icebreaker. Can you imagine? The absolute audacity. It’s almost like they think they’re making a clever observation, but really, they’re just outing themselves as having zero brain cells. What’s next, Sherlock? Going to tell a bird it can fly? It’s amazing how confident people are in their ignorance, like they’ve unlocked some hidden level of stupidity.
And then there’s my African American friend, constantly asked, “How do you manage your curly hair?” Manage? Her hair is a literal masterpiece. She’s out here keeping the entire curly hair industry in business. Every new product on the market is basically inspired by her curls. Meanwhile, the people asking are over here with frizz they can’t even tie up properly, but they’re concerned about how she “manages” her hair. It’s not management. It is art. You don’t “manage” the Mona Lisa.
You see, it’s not just how we look that gets people worked up. No, no, it’s what we eat too. The food comments? Oh, they’re always the same, “Your food smells weird” or “It’s not healthy.” And you know what? That’s fine. It’s your choice if you don’t like the smell or can’t handle the spice. Just like it’s our choice to enjoy it. Not everyone can handle a little heat, and that’s okay. But for those of us who do, please don’t take a jab at us for it. If we’re over here savouring our spicy food, you don’t have to insult it like it personally offended you. Let people enjoy what they enjoy.
It’s always the same people who think a salad with ranch dressing is exotic that have the nerve to say our food is too much. They’re out here acting like salt and pepper are the dynamic duo of culinary exploration. Like, wow, you’ve mastered the art of blandness, congratulations. Meanwhile, I’m just over here, trying to enjoy my flavourful meal without a side of judgement. They say my food smells strong. Girl, that’s the scent of culture and tradition simmering to perfection, something your boiled chicken could never achieve.
And the funniest part? These are the same people who will turn around and say, “I love a good curry!” Oh, do you now? Tell me more about how you appreciate our food, please enlighten us. It’s like they want the Instagram post with their authentic cultural experience, but none of the real flavours that come with it.
Honestly, food should be bringing us together, not dividing us. But nope, apparently a well-seasoned dish is where they draw the line. It’s almost as if they’re personally offended by my food having personality. And I’m just standing here, wondering how their taste buds survive day-to-day without any excitement. But you know what? That’s okay. More spice for me.
I’ve learned one thing from all of this: people don’t just want to be racist; they want to be impressive at it. They’ve mastered the art of wrapping an insult in a compliment, like it’s some kind of condescending fortune cookie.
The saddest part is, I’ve only really addressed the surface-level, stereotypical racism that so many people face. And to be honest, only a few friends were willing to come forward and share their experiences with me, which says a lot in itself. But just because only a handful of people spoke up doesn’t mean the rest don’t feel it. It doesn’t make it right.
We live in a time where we spend hours scrolling through social media, absorbing all sorts of content. With all that time, is it really too much to ask that we take a few moments to educate ourselves? Instead of making assumptions or jabs, why not dig a little deeper, learn about the things that clearly bother us so much? If we can spend hours debating the latest Netflix show, surely, we can spend some of that energy understanding the impact of our words and actions. Next time you are in a situation where you are so tempted to fuel cultural appropriation, maybe DON’T.
D – Don’t assume. Seriously, just don’t. If you’re not sure about something, maybe don’t open your mouth.
O – Observe before you offend. Take a second, maybe even two. Look around and think.
N – Never use the phrase, “I’m not racist, but…” because if you have to say that you are about to say something racist. It’s like a prelude to disaster.
T – Think before you speak. You know how you think before texting your boss? Same concept. Just pause, re-read, and decide if it’s worth the regret.
So, the next time someone pours you a generous serving of racism with a smile, remember: it’s not your job to make them comfortable. It’s your job to shine, thrive, and maybe throw in a sarcastic smile that says, thanks, but no thanks.
