Glassies’ Guide to Tattoos

So, you’re a broke uni student with no time or money to burn. Naturally you’re going to want a tattoo. But getting your first tattoo can be scary business. Will it hurt? How do I take care of it? Will my grandparents finally disown me and write me out of their will? Well, there’s no need to panic, for I am here, the haver of 20 something tattoos, here to dispense my knowledge of poor financial decisions and disappointing your parents. 

I’m gonna tell you the same thing that every single tatted person and tattoo artist will tell you; Duh; your skin is being punctured by needle(s) that can operate at speeds of up to 50 cycles per second. 

Of course, different parts of the body hurt more than others. Some easier spots are the outer thighs, the back, parts of the calves and the outer skin of the arms. The soft underside of your arms is gonna hurt significantly more than the outer part, as this is some of the softest most sensitive skin on the body. Legs are a bit hit or miss too. I have eight tattoos on my calves-shins area, and every time, without fail, getting that part of my leg tattooed made my calf flinching and jumping against my will, despite the pain being mostly tolerable. I’ve had artists tell me that this is completely normal when tattooing this part of the body. Hands, spine, feet, head and parts of the chest are amongst the most painful areas to tattoo, but you can also just google tattoo pain charts if you have a more specific spot in mind. 

I hate to sound like an adult here, but you should probably have a think about what kind of career you want to or will most likely have, and whether or not that industry looks fondly on tattoos or not. Some jobs have strict rules about tattoos, like law and education, and others not so much, like ANYTHING in the arts and whatever the line of work is called when you are born into generational wealth and got a million-dollar loan from your parents to invest in cryptocurrency and are now a ‘self-made’ millionaire. Post Malone will never have to work in a bank to make ends meet, but in this economy, you never know when you might. Or, I don’t know, ignore everything I just said. If you want to be the person who fights tattoo stigma by getting your whole face covered in tats and then running for Prime Minister, be my guest. That would actually be sick, and you would have my full support (and probably my vote). 

Most artists will give you slightly different but mostly the same method of how to care for your tattoos. Generally, after getting a tattoo, your artist will wrap the tattoo in either glad wrap and some tape, which you take off after a couple of hours, or an adhesive clear bandage called Second Skin. This second option is generally reserved for bigger tattoos and can be left on for a couple of days or up to a week. Whatever option you do get, once you unwrap your tattoo, you should wash it under lukewarm water with scent free soap to clean away the ink and plasma (the bigger the tattoo, the more blood, ink and plasma in your bandage). Do not rub the tattoo, just let the water and soap run over it, and then gently dab the tattoo with paper towel to dry it. For the first 24 hours, try to refrain from any strenuous physical activity or anything that will get the tattoo dirty. Tattoos generally take about a month to heal completely. Some people say two weeks, but I prefer to be on the safe side and follow the care instructions for the full month. For this month you should be applying some kind of tattoo balm – Dr Pickles is the standard and can be bought at Woolworths – once or twice a day. Do not go swimming with a fresh tattoo unless you want an infection! Again, I prefer to wait the whole month before swimming after a tattoo because I don’t like to waste my money. 

DO NOT GET YOUR PARTNERS NAME DO NOT GET YOUR PARTNERS BIRTHDAY DO NOT GET ANYTHING THAT IS DIRECTLY CONNECTED YOUR PARTNER THEY WILL CHEAT ON YOU!!! You wouldn’t think we would have to keep saying this, but we do. I can promise you; you will regret it.

But other than that – and nazi symbols – you are free to get whatever you want tattooed. Some people are of the belief that all tattoos should have some deep meaning behind them, but one of my favourite tattoos of mine is a human skull on fire and the only meaning behind it is that it looks fucking cool. 

Treat booking a tattoo appointment just like booking any other medical appointment. Treat the people you are talking to with kindness and respect their time. Tattoo artists get stood up for appointments pretty often and this the reason why you cannot book a tattoo appointment without paying a deposit for it first. Depending on the size of the tattoo, deposits are generally between $50 and $100. So, don’t even try dispute a deposit, and for the love of God, show up to your appointments! If you need to cancel your appointment, contact your artists ASAP to let them know and possibly reschedule. If you ghost, then it is possible for artists and studios to blacklist you and refuse to tattoo you. The tattoo community can be pretty tight knit, and word can spread about your ways. 

Now you’re ready to go out into the world and blow some hard-earned money on something that will make you look significantly cooler than you did before. Soon enough you’ll be the coolest kid on the playground.